Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Oh..poor u...u dint know it was "hard" for me!!

This is for those millions of ignorant guys around the world who din't know/din't think/don't
realise the fact that a women faces a lot of inconveninces/hurtful incidents when/after she gets married...

Did you know how inconvenient it could be to move in with you and your parents after marriage?

Do you know how hard she feels the first one year when she is constantly judged by your sisters/relatives and mom?

Did you know its no easy for a girl to change her name/her gothram/her kula deivam(family gaurdian deity)? In most cases she may not want to but she just had to!

Did you know even the richest of girls do feel bad about giving away dowry in exchange to holding your hands?

Do you know she feels extremely ridiculed when you think "kitchen" is her domain and expect her to cook/clean/maintain after she comes home from work?

The worst of all is when you compare her to that "pakkatu aatu ambujam" who obeys all these unreasonable traditions and doesnt complain about anything!

So here is the deal...

If you are a married men who dint know it was hard on ur mind!! After that you might realise that your wife is actually dying inside and smiling outside!!
Comfort her and make her SMILE for real!

For all those "pakkatu aatu ambujam"s who are not speaking up...Be true to yourself and others...Give back to that sister who gives a sarcasstic comment at your cooking style...If you dont speak up now, your daughter will be living in the same patriarchial/male chaunistic society!!

Unmarried guys who are reading this blog...Wake up...Or you might just be paving ways for a bitter married life!!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Completed your training?

Last week we went to visit my husbands newly married friend....
While we were talking about how has things been for the couple...this friend stated proudly how his wife was getting "trained" to cook well by his mother....
So if women are expected to know to cook and get trained to cook well from the "just met" mother-in-law....why aren't men expected to complete any training from their father-in-law....???
How about getting trained to manage accounts and no longer spend like a bachelor??
How about getting trained to help around the house rather than complaining how you are not able to find your socks anywhere at home??
Oh and here is a BIG one...
How about getting trained to skillfully balance the two women who mean a lot to you rather than sitting there playing that extremely useless video game ???

Friday, October 7, 2011

Whats in a name...?

Why do we change names after marriage?
Where did this tradition originate from?

A recent incident made me research...

It was about 5 months after marriage...My MIL and I went to visit my close friend for her wedding day...My friend was addressing me with my maiden name and my MIL had to voice her opinion against it...She advised or rather commanded my friend in a raised voice that after marriage a girl should append her name with her husbands name....

First, I cannot digest people who impose their thoughts on others...Second, thats really not the way to talk to my friend...Last but not least, Its MY name damit!

I go by my dad's name in my ex-company and all my friends call me that way...
I couldn't divorce my dad's name just because I got married!!

Thank heavens that my husband doesn't really bother...If he did, I would atleast consider..May be discuss and try to convince him...But my MIL? Seriously?

I thought this was over!!

I thought this was thinking they are superior thinking they are more capable,strong,intellectual and what not than women...I thought this thinking had faded over the years...the times when the men was the boss even if he was right or wrong and the women had to listen because she was just a women...I thought those times were over....

I thought it was all over until I met this peron I wanted to marry!!!

It all started when the grooms side thought they had the upper hand just because they are the GROOM's side! I was as shocked as my friend has written here that the BRIDE's side thought so as well!

Probably a wrong deed done by everyone becomes the right deed afterall!

"Your parents should come and invite my son and us for the marriage"...I heard this from my father-in-law the evening before the wedding...I dint know if I had to laugh or cry!! Laugh that these people think they should be invited for their own sons marraige?? Cry that I couldnt believe I was getting into a family who think like this!! Though I dint talk back...I dint send my parents either! I stood firmly against it!

My aunt justified that since we are spending and arranging this marriage, we have to invite the groom's side and treat them as guests!! I was like WHAT???That reminded me of the other unacceptable tradition...the bride's family should spend for the wedding!!

This tradition was probably accepted in olden days because the brides turned housewives and so the brides parents arranged the wedding, bought all the housegoods etc etc for the groom for their welfare! But what about the guys who claim they want equally educated and equally earning girl as a wife! Shouldn't they equally spend for the wedding???

With a heavy heart ,confused if this was all really right (because everyone claimed so) I got married!

Many days the ugly head of male chauvinism would rise up!

"You have come into MY should follow OUR rules"...I hear this from my husband everytime... He probably forgot that the moment he married me, he had created a new family circle..A circle that just had him and me and the rules which BOTH of us believed in!

And I thought this was all over...and we had equality now and the times have changed! Nope!!

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself..something I realised recently!

So here I am starting to write a blog hoping that someday this would all really be over...and I can bring about that change!